queen of dissappointment

Its pretty bad that the person I dissappoint the most is Pamela Frances Bendall.....Rouleau
Ya....I lie to myself alot...I say I am going to do something then continue to sit on my arse and do nothing....its not like I feel like I am lazy. I dont know what the problem is. Why cant I get up and do it. I cant make myself type up a decent resume....its so frustrating....why..I just sit here like a big lazy ass....I wanna do it...I really wanna do it...i just cant get myself motivated. I lie in bed and think of all the things that I need to do...man...I can barely get myself to shower ever couple days...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME....I FEEL LIKE SUCH A LOSER

almost christmas

Thankgod with live in the great white north..becasuae without the snow...christmas would just suck so bad...i would miss my family even more....It is so hard. But I am learning to adjust...at my age I should get used to it....I am done all my shopping...have I done enough...of course I have...do I want to d more....Of course I do...I want to buy tons more but money tells me no. I amsure everyone will be really happy with their gifts. I am thinking...wellno..I know that as soon as christmas and new years is over I am going to have to get a job. Sitting on my ass is not as appealing as I thought it woudl be...and I am afraid my ass is going to get way too big...so ...work it is. Mj is doing okay but I am afraid of her hips and joints...it kills me that she is so sore and I dont knwo what to do fr her... Anythow I dont have alot to say...I hope to post more often after christmas....i wish i could make this blog a little mor colourful...this is really boring...

whitehorse

Well its nice to have somewhere to ventso i have decided that here is better than nothing....its December 1st tomorrow....all my family christmas shopping is done...i have bits and pieces i want to do for mike...i am stressed right now...i wish i could relax but my son is drivng me nuts..he wants to quit his job and work for jordan....he has done that before...it is not a good thing though...they dont work well together...they are really good friends..but jordan can be a real jerk fora boss...not intenionally...he is such a hard worker...and the work is really hard..it isnt what rick is used to..he can work hard...but i dont knwo if he will ever meet jordans expectations...i know i shouldnt worry..but i dont knwo how not to. i dont know how to be just mom....and not worry so much...how do I say Okay honey...thats a good idea...you know what you are doing. I AM A CRONIC WORRIER...I CANT put this on facebook because my mother is also a cronic worrier....so i just want to keep this to myself...and any other poor person who accidentally sees this. living up here sucks...well it doesnt suck..it is an amazing thing..but what do i do if rick cant afford to pay his rent...this is crazy
i wish i wish i wish....that i didnt have to wish so much..that he would quit smoking pot...and work harder and be happy...i wish he was content with what he is doing
wellt hats it for today
i am going to bed
shit

This is actually a picture from last Christmas....apparently we don't take many pictures of me as much....unless it is with the cell phone...then it goes on some stupid place called facebook...but anyhow...i need to tell you all that i missed you. My dad was away for awhile with my mom's camera,, and mom is working like a crazy person....and today all heck broke loose....mom came home from work and someone was missing. heheheheh.....I was just so mad that she wouldnt take me to work....so as soon as she left...I decided it was time to escape. I cant tell you how I escaped, that would cause a little bit of a problem if I ever want to escape again. Anyhow I escaped. I just needed to get out and see what was going on in the world. MOm came home from work to get me, she says we were going to go to the beach, and anyhow when she found that I had escaped she freaked out. She looked everywhere....and guess where she found me...you would never ever guess...not in one day....i was across the street....a very busy street....(admirals road if you live her) and I was at the doggy spa.....they told mom they found me wandering around outside....NOT>..i was going there on purpose....I even had a manicure while I was there. (mom said that is what i get for scaring her half to death....whateverrrrrrrrr..) Anyhow I am home safe and sound...and hopefully I will be on more often...I need to go back to sleep. I am very very very tired...and MANGO...next time I escape I am coming to see you. Time to go now. I need to sleep . MJ OUT

Well it has been a week since I wrote....i probably will update every week. I had two interviews last week, one was with a company called LifeTouch . These are the people that take school photos. This will be a fabulous job....but I am up against over 100 people ...so I crossed my fingers for that one. I also had a second interview...with Al at starbucks. I think the people that work at Starbucks are awesome...and they would be fun to hang out with. The thing is though that there are a million places to work that would be fun...but i need something that I know would be fun for a long time...taking photos would be aweseome...but...it is only for a few months...but it could lead up to more work...Anyhow ...having said that...i did get a call back today for the photo job...and it makes me very happy...kinda special....we are down to 15 people...and that makes me happy. So even if I dont get it...at least I did well enough in the interview to get a second one. Anyhow this week I am going to call Barclays exchange...cuz the money is good..and...it is full time...and i htink it would be really interesting working in a pawn shop. So..that is my update...I still dont understand why a bunch of the places I have applied have not called me....but...alas...no biggy..there will be work....see you all...pam

Day 1

OKAY so mainly this blog is just for my own record. I am an almost 50 year old mother of two wife of one owner of three....and unemployed. OH and grandchildless...WTF

Anyhow I am on the jobhunt of my life. Apparently I am too old...too large...too limited...to what i am able to do. Anyhow I have had an interview at Starbucks...he promised me a second one but I guess he is not in any sort of hurry to hire me. I also talked to a guy at a pawn shop...which at first seemed scarey...but once I went in I was really quite fascinated....do you guys know what kind of deals, in these times, that you can find in a pawn shop at really good prices...seriously...there were some good deals there. And for the men out there...tools...they had millions of tools. I applied at a vet clinic...which i would also love cuz i love animals....but I dont have very much computer experience...and my cover letter and my resume pretty much showed them that....so I dont blame them for not calling. And best of all I have an interview thursday with the company that does school photos...fun...what could be more fun than taking pictures of kids all day...i am going to try and convince them to make funny funny faces...
Anyhow thats it for today....cross your fingers for me...maybe i will be working soon..